"Attention smashers, may I have your attention please," the P.A. system in the Smash Mansion announced. The residents went about their business, paying it no heed until it continued: "We have another name of a veteran that will be staying."
At this, the fighters who hadn't yet heard their names on this list perked up intently. "Due to complaints from ungrateful 'fans'," stated the P.A., "and thus by popular demand, Ness will be staying at the mansion for Round Three. Lucas will not be replacing him as expected."
"Oh baby!" Ness cheered, leaping triumphantly into the air. "Ness is still in the fray! Accept no blondie or carrot-top substitutes!"
The twins, Lucas and Claus, said nothing at this, but with his ego amped with relief, Ness went on, "But I can't believe I even worried that that swishy-haired wimp could replace me. No scaredy cat replaces Classic Ness."
Lucas stared at the ground dejectedly, but Claus approached Ness. "Don't you talk like that about my little brother, fatso," he snarled.
"But Claus, he's right," Lucas whispered to his brother mentally.
"Shut up, I'm trying to defend you here," Claus whispered back.
Ness made a motion as if just brushing the insult off. "Oh yeah? What are you gonna do about it?"
Claus reached into his shorts suspiciously.
Ness raised an eyebrow. "Hey, what are you gonna do about it?" he asked again, his tone getting worried.
"PK Love!" Now normally I would decribe the attack and the effect it had on Ness, but with this one, ehhh... the FCC would be all over my ass. But anyway...
Ness ran off towards the locker rooms. "Soap! Soap! I need soap! Like there's no friggin' tomorrow! Get outta my way!"
Claus brushed his hands off. "Idiot. It's just psychic energy."
"Thanks, man!" a voice came out of nowhere. The twins turned to see... Ness?! "That guy was a real pain, flaunting his senority and stuff," the "Ness" went on. "I have more of a right to anyway, so it's nice to finally see somebody take him down for it!"
The twins had no idea what to make of this, and could only babble incoherently.
"By the way, my name's Ninten. Nice to meet ya."
They stared at him blankly for a second, then ran off screaming "Nothing makes sense anymore!"
Ninten shrugged. "You'd think they'd never seen a black-haired kid in a cap and polo shirt before."
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Author's Note: Originally I was gonna have Master or Crazy Hand come out and say something along the lines of "We'd love to have that attack used in Brawl, but then we'd get an M rating.", but I forgot about it. This happens to be funnier anyway.