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 The New Bible, or You Can't Prove It's Not True

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Jackalope
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PostSubject: The New Bible, or You Can't Prove It's Not True   Sat Jul 12, 2008 2:12 am

In the beginning, there was God. And she was a frump. But no one was around to tell her so, so she went on with a pretty high opinion of herself.

Now, being surrounded by nothing is pretty damned boring. So God created the Cosmos, the ever-expanding universe. She filled the Cosmos with a number of shiny lights called stars and floating rocks called planets. Then she decided to take the rest of the day to admire all this new stuff she made.

On the next day, she made a place seperate from the Cosmos to be her residence; and it was called Heaven. For the rest of the day she played Blind Man's Bluff to pick a planet to put other living things upon.

She found a planet with a watery surface on the third day, and she called it Earth. And like a wad of Play-doh, she molded the dirt under the water so some of it was sticking up over it. God decided to start small, so she first made plants to grow upon the dry land, a mix of trees and flowers and stuff like that. And God sat back and watched the plants grow and make other plants, and that ate up the third day.

On the fourth day, God decided to pick a specific star to make the light for the Earth, and a specific rock to act as a nightlight for the side of the Earth not under the star's light. From the nearby cosmos, she picked a yellow star, now known as the sun, for the Earth to orbit, and a smaller rock now called the moon to orbit the Earth and be the nightlight. But since God was really persnickety, this process took the whole day to do.

Now in the fifth and sixth days, God set to work making animals. The fifth day was dedicated to beasties of the sea and the air, and the sixth, to beasties that trotted upon the land. Thus all three Earthly dominions were filled with a diverse menagerie, much of which is dead today.

On the seventh day, God was extremely tired, which was reasonable because she'd just spent the past week building a flora- and fauna-infested planet. So she returned to Heaven for a well-deserved rest. And God had a dream.

It was a very naughty dream, of creatures similar to herself, but built mostly for her own, ah-hem, amusement. These creatures had a slightly different form from God, one that was built for pleasing. And in her head, she called these creatures Men.

When God awoke the next day, the first thing she did was to see how the animals of the Earth were doing. And to her definite surprise, a creature just like the one from her dream was amongst them. For, you see, God had made him in her sleep.

As she observed her animals, it became increasingly clear to God that the man was lacking in IQ, as he did dangerous things, such as taunt oliphaunts, and steal food from lions, just for the fun of it. And God knew she had to do something to keep the man's blatant stupidity in check.

And so God created a woman in her own image, filled with a wealth of knowledge and a healthy curiousity counterparting that of the man's. And she set the woman upon the Earth and hoped the two would chance to meet.

And the two did meet, and things went smoothly for awhile, as they complemented each other well, and made others of their kind as did the other animals. But the woman became increasingly disgusted with the man's foolishness, and the man felt the woman did not respect him, and they began to bicker most of the time. This depressed God, but she wished to do work on other planets and fill up the empty Cosmos, and that was higher on her priority list. So she made other humans with a different range of appearances and personalities, and hoped they could sort things out peacefully.

But of course, God was wrong.
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Kyoukipichi
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PostSubject: Re: The New Bible, or You Can't Prove It's Not True   Sat Jul 12, 2008 3:52 am

Heh, that story was funny.
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Gary
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PostSubject: Re: The New Bible, or You Can't Prove It's Not True   Sun Jul 13, 2008 6:39 am

I liked it Very Happy
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XD003
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PostSubject: Re: The New Bible, or You Can't Prove It's Not True   Sun Jul 13, 2008 11:44 am

It was good, very lol worthy.
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CowgirlXena
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PostSubject: Re: The New Bible, or You Can't Prove It's Not True   Tue Aug 05, 2008 2:28 pm

I liked it, it was funny lol. Nice job.
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